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the girl who's just your 'friend'
21 December 2008 @ 10:56 pm
When I say I don't believe in a certain sort of being out in the cosmos of time I do believe it. In the depths of my heart there's really nothing telling me that I should jump on the bandwagon and worship through a plethora of let-down-religions.

But one thing I do believe that seems to be steering me in an odd direction is fate. I believe that an inanimate force drives us. It has no conscience, it just is. This essence of just being has us believing it's our holy lord up in the sky waiting to receive us after a sin-addicted-filled life. But really, it's the 2nd theory of thermodynamics that's pulling us apart and putting us back together.
Entropy is the essence that I am talking about.
It tests us.
Makes us question whether the random "spiritual" events that happen are due to some entity up in the sky or just the right moment at the right time.
Are they just spontaneous events that happen without our help?
The way we should be thinking should be due to the fact that every choice, every movement, every word chosen to be spoken, every thought manifested into anyone's head is definitely due to entropy. What are the chances of that specific action, thought, situation happening again in the same millisecond as the next? What are the chances of it ever happening again within that same lifetime? Or ever?
These are questions never to be answered.
But that is why I believe them.

I hear many people say, "I believe that there's a reason for everything"
Butterfly effect.
Domino effect.
Cause and effect.
Whatever you may call it, it's not because it has a reason, but it's because something previous to something had happened for that something to happen.
Plain and simple.

People procreate to create lives.
And that life meets other lives that have been created.
Romances form.
Dramas are woven.
Stories shared.
Hell, this particular blog is being posted.
All due to a enormous list of meticulously detailed events that all lead up to this moment.

So what is the point of this particular posting?
I'm not sure.
I'm a confused individual with no one to fix my problems but time. And well, when I think there's a reason for everything, I tell myself, there is no reason, it's just this inanimate force called entropy not wanting to entropize itself in my lifetime so that I may be happy.
Probably makes no sense to you.
Let's reverse.
All I have is time.
And with this time, I have no way of doing anything about anything.
I can't reverse actions.
I can't fix them.
I can't particularly tangibly break them either.
I can sit in my silence and patiently wait for something else to spawn from a previous action. I can catalyze many different situations, but that would be unwise when I know that in a situation I can't really just put it into my own hands.

There's a lesson to be learned here.
I'm an individual who gets what they want one way or another. There's this nasty little spell that was cast on me since I was a child. I've a way of being impatient within my patience. I'll sit and wait, hoping something will happen but in the meantime I twiddle my thumbs, paint some pictures, analyze the universe like I am right now.
Best thing that's ever happened to me.
Sad part is that music doesn't do it for me anymore either.
It takes me away and distracts me for about the song's length.
There's this terrible void that I fill with countless amounts of cigarettes, songs, phone calls, and paint. Or what I try to call art.

All life is is a bundle of stories that we tell each other. All conversations are this. It's nothing else. Without the art of stories our world would be completely pointless. Describing everything is a story in and of itself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of all these decisions I'm making having dead fuck endings.
And I'm getting tired of dancing all on my own.

But time is all I have.
Even if in the big picture it's limited.
For right now, it seems like eternity plagues me.
A situation I have is totally out of my hands.
And thus it leaves me to withdraw in my coup, listen to music to satisfy my imagination, and cling on to every secret kiss given that slowly eats at my internal organs while I wait for this lover to pull through.

It's the same old dance.
I dance all alone.
the girl who's just your 'friend'
20 December 2008 @ 08:40 am
Get out of my dreams.

Thought I got rid of you long ago.

the girl who's just your 'friend'
16 December 2008 @ 10:39 am
Betrayal is a thorny crown
you wear it well
Just like a king.

Revenge is the saddest thing
Honey I'm afraid to say
You deserve everything.
the girl who's just your 'friend'
06 December 2008 @ 08:54 pm
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh no bueno.

the girl who's just your 'friend'
25 November 2008 @ 12:57 pm
Gina doesn't go after people anymore.

You want her.
Come and get her.

And convince her you're worth her time.
Prove her wrong.

Because her life fucking rocks right now, so why should she be distracted from it?
the girl who's just your 'friend'
22 November 2008 @ 02:58 am
love is only an obligation you meet in order fulfill society's expectations.
the girl who's just your 'friend'
14 November 2008 @ 04:44 pm
or I can't win.

I need 30,000 dollars right now.
or it's a no go.

Make her happy.
Get him out.

the girl who's just your 'friend'
12 November 2008 @ 11:12 pm
These next few months are going to be a rollercoaster ride.

But at least I'll have someone beside me for the ride.

I'm stoked. woo! Bring it on.
the girl who's just your 'friend'
11 November 2008 @ 02:13 pm
Gina: I realized that I'm glad I'm not in a relationship. My roommate and her bf are so boring and I never want to get like that. All routine and no friends.

Antonio: Hey fuck you. Jk I love you babygirl. Relationships are for weak people. We are strong. Can I borrow some money?

Gina Love you too honey. But no seriously, living with a couple irritates me! They ignore me all the time even when I try to start conversation. How much?



I love my single life.
the girl who's just your 'friend'
10 November 2008 @ 07:17 pm
I'm having one of those episodes again.

I took 4 somas.
slept through it all.
Made dinner high.
But now I'm back to reality and it's torturous.

I mean seriously, I wish I could delete a few things right now.